Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
