I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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