1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
