Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
