last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
