You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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