K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told him we canโt see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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