Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
