Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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