so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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