Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
