Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
