You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
