im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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