If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
