They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
