Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
