It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
