I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
