i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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