Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
