Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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