Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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