Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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