im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So. Much. Porn.
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