all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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