Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
