i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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