I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
