I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
