Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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