You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
