the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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