New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
