i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
