All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
