We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
