He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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