I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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