The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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