The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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