My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
