$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
