i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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