We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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