New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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