Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
