My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
