Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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