dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
