Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
