non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
