Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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