Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
