Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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