the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
