I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
