she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
