Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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