Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
