just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
