I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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