i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
