Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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