Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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