when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
