First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize