I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
