he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
