if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm both gender and math confused
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
