Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
