so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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