Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
this is an emotional support booty call
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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