You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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