I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
